It’s the season finale of Mat Minutiae, bitches. Worlds will live, worlds will die, and nothing will ever be the same!”
As you read this, you’re one click away from the star-studded, explosive season finale of Mat Minutiae featuring HUGE announcements from the illustrious Mike B. and his larger-than-life quasi-associate Chauncey “The Gaudy” Fentura. You’ll also swoon to the pear-shaped tones of The Voice of Choice and you’ll wretch and writhe with laughter at the irreverent mirth of Kevin McElvaney, known affectionately ‘round these parts as half of the talent behind the podcasting juggernaut known as “Bowling Shoe Handsome.” Will there be another season for the ever-lovin’ Double-M? Only Brady’s hairdresser knows for sure.
Mat Minutiae: It’s like a laxative for your brain.
This week, Kevin and Young John invite the renowned Mike Bessler to the internet’s favorite Punk Rock ‘N Wrestling podcast. The guys discuss a host of topics, with the focal question being “Should WWE split its programming into seasons?” It’s a debate that’s been stewing in various circles over the years, and BSH will attempt to solve the issue once and for all. Plus, Mike, John, and Kevin talk about the future of Mat Minutiae, THE Brady Hicks, and the 100th episode anniversary of NXT. All this, along with music from Red Tape Parade, Hold Tight, Jack’s Smirking Revenge, and Red & Orange. Check it out!
Mat Minutiae is temporarily on hiatus while the show is re-tooled to conform to various and sundry changes requested by “Mr. Hicks.” In its place, Chauncey “The Gaudy” Fentura has recorded a special message via the “Chump Line.”
Terribly troubled to hear that the head lynchpin Brittany Hurtz has cancelled Mat Minutiae because it doesn’t fit into his vision of what pro wrestling radio journalism should sound like, which — to the best of my knowledge and based on what I heard from his show upon three minutes of listening — is a wet-hot Saturday night chili dog fart mixed with 3-dollar Wal Mart wine.
These bastards are out of control! These knuckle-draggers must be stopped before they run pro wrestling journalism right into the ground and turn wrestling fans into a legion of undersexxed, nasal basement dwellers with chards of BBQ ribs caked in their patchy beards; hopeless, unsatisfied and alone, praying for their Melina and Maryse posters that they have taped to their ceilings to fall onto their Spider Man sheeted beds in the middle of the night, which is sadly the closest they’ll ever come to a female in their lives.
Point being this: We are on the precipice of an apocalypse. Millions of Fenturions and Bassheads are asking — nay — DEMANDING that Mat Minutiae be restored. Real wrestling fans need their oasis, and this maniac….this purveyor of superfluous programming thinks he knows a good show…HA….DOUBLE HA. I’ve got my finger on the pulse and the Hacks method is a dying breed. He claims to have never heard of me….that just proves he’s terminally square. EVERYONE knows who I am….and if they don’t they surely will once the word is spoken!”
As discussed in the most recent episode of Mat Minutiae, Mike Bessler has launched a new campaign to become Facebook friends with the patriarch of pro wrestling punditry, Bill Apter. Mike was inspired by the brain trust over at VoC Nation who recently mounted their own campaign to compel, coerce and cajole Vince McMahon into eventually inducting Apter into the WWE Hall of Fame. Watch this space for details regarding the forthcoming “Get Bill Apter to Friend Mike Bessler on Facebook Fan Conclave.”
About Mike Bessler
Mike Bessler is a writer for various and sundry pro wrestling-themed magazines that are found on spin racks and shelves of finer gas stations and grocery stores around the world. For the better part of his 38 years on Earth, it’s been Mike’s sole dream to become Facebook friends with Bill Apter. As a child, Mike would sit on the filthy and disgusting floor of the seedy newsstand on Winchester Avenue in Ashland, Kentucky for hours on end, thumbing through the so-called “Apter magazines” as he inhaled an unhealthy amount of secondhand cigarette and cigar smoke from the adjoining pool hall. In the decades since, Mike has enjoyed a number of personal and professional accomplishments including a wonderfully fulfilling marriage, the many joys of parenthood, becoming the first person to have work published in both a British journal of economics (Capital and Class, issue no. 89) and in the world’s most acclaimed professional wrestling magazines, and seeing his work included in the holdings of a Russian museum. But sadly, his greatest of ambitions remains unfulfilled: Mike wants to be Facebook friends with Bill Apter.
If social media has taught us anything, it’s that larger-than-life celebrity types like Bill Apter love being the subject of extensive and protracted Internet campaigns. Little people of the world, spread the word far and wide! Tell Bill Apter to friend Mike Bessler on Facebook!
Like a fish out of water, Mat Minutiae keeps flipping and flopping around, teetering on the very edge of oblivion. This week, Mike answers collective wailing and gnashing of teeth from the sexy beasts over at VoC Nation and he also rolls out a new campaign of his own entitled, “Get Bill Apter to Friend Mike Bessler on Facebook.”
Once again, Mike is joined by Chauncey “the Gaudy” Fentura by way of the Mat Minutiae Celebrity Hotline. All of this crap, plus noteworthy guest appearances by the likes of Mr. Akbaz and some cat who calls himself Brady Hicks will undoubtedly make this episode of Mat Minutiae one of the most eagerly anticipated pre-Chinese New Year extravaganzas in the history thebradyhicks.com.
And now a word from Chauncey….
“You tell old boy Brittany Hopps that if he needs a photo to prove Chauncey Fentura really exists, here’s a pic of me and my brothers (me in the middle with the sweet geetar, in our band The Fenturions. This was our first album entitled Fenturadventureland From left to right, Isaac, Gulliver, Cunningham (behind me), and of course, the lead singer and other guitarist, Bartholomew. Dads (the legendary producer-writer-doctor-philosopher Josias Lemuel Fentura) was so proud. Honest, the nerve of that festering dewberry to imply that I, the most interesting man on the web, needs a “picture” to prove my existence? If he were here right now sharing my filtered air, I would be forced to launch some knuckles at his occipital lobe, or maybe even his larynx so we don’t have to listen to his nasally musings on pro wrestling anymore.”
“Do send me Bassler’s e-mail, since I’ve never seen to fit to actually ask him for it, so that I can link up to that crazy bastard, since I never think to ask for his contact info on the show….That would just be poor manners.”
This is it! The somewhat-anticipated return of Mat Minutiae — this time as a triple-length, 30+ minute tour de force — featuring a steaming hot mess of complaints, grievances and other associated nonsense along with special appearances by Mr. Akbaz, star of various and sundry podcasts on thebradyhicks.com, as well as Nemar “King Magnus” Wells, co-host of the celebrated VoC Nation radio show.
Additionally, the esteemed Chauncey “The Gaudy” Fentura enters the fray, offering his caustically irreverent musings on the state of pro wrestling and the quality of Internet-based wrestling-themed psudeojournalism. Is this the end of Mat Minutiae as we know it? Is this pulse-pounding episode the equivalent of a Nibiru-sized collision that’s ultimately destined to annihilate this award-nominated podcast? Listen and find out, bitches.
By the way, this episode is offered as an m4a, enhanced audio file that’s iPod compliant. So…you’re welcome.
Hot on the heels of the greatest “sixth episode anniversary special” in the history of thebradyhicks.com, this here’s the latest installment of the curious spectacle known to laypersons as Mat Minutiae. In this installment, Internet pseudojournalist Mike B — still basking in the glow of last episode’s symphony of awesomeness — offers a preview of POWW‘s upcoming WrestleRage IX event. He also rolls out a new mini-featurette called “Bootleg Shakedown,” spotlighting the collected matches of the Tommy Dreamer/Raven feud from the heyday of the original ECW. Somewhere along the way, Mike throws out mad props to the likes of In Your Head Wrestling, Mr. Akbaz, Sunday Morning Squash Match and others. Most importantly, Mike interviews Li’L Betsy Bruiser, the youngest female competitor in the history of professional wrestling. Yeah, no kidding.
Truth be told, it’s practically a crime that you get this much entertainment for free. You should all be ashamed of yourselves.
Hey hey! It’s the fifth installment of the biggest little podcast in the world of pro wrestling pseudojournalism! Inspired by In the Room’s recent live stream, Mat Minutiae goes “live” this episode and someone actually calls in on the MM Hotline. Can you really afford to miss this episode? The answer is a big, fat, unequivocal “NO.”